Familiarize The Unfamiliar
The easier it gets, the easier it gets..
We all have had trouble so we developed our coping mechanisms. Our brain knows very well how to protect us. We are of a brilliant “technology” that keeps us safe all the time. We can always count on what our mind starts to think and most importantly on what our body starts to feel.
The thing is we trust the messages too much, identifying fully. We have felt safe behaving in some specific ways and we want more of that to feel even safer. We lean on the coping mechanisms again and again since they did work at one point. They are familiar. They make us feel calm (even if it’s a rage tangent), they soothe our anxiety (even if it’s overconsuming which will disturb us later on), they distract us from dealing with our emotions even if they don’t make them disappear.
But we don’t trust and listen to the real messages. We do know when we feel stuck, frustrated, unsatisfied, unworthy. We feel alone and disassociated, that we have to put extra effort even for simple things, that we compromise too much, that life takes us wherever instead of us leading the way.
We want things to change but it’s as if we don’t know what new to do. We know we are supposed to love ourselves, to watch out for our health, to stand up for ourselves, to choose joy over drama, to stay cool instead of freaking out. The solution to our troubles is right in front of us, yet, we can’t take the step.
The change does not feel comfortable. The reason it doesn’t is because we let our brain keep us safe too much. Our thoughts and feelings are just a byproduct of us, but we let us be our identity. They are always sharing an important message for us to listen to, but when we let them drive we make it the only message. What we don’t realize is that we always have a choice whether we want to proceed according to that message. The message is an indication, valid for sure, but we can choose what to do with it from a wide range of actions.
Choosing to do differently than usual is no easy task though. Especially during times of pressure. The new ways to behave are unfamiliar. Going for the unfamiliar and actually sticking to it is uncomfortable. It’s the reason we break our promises to be the better person. Choosing to be the better version of ourselves is a life-long journey and in the beginning it feels like a constant battle between us and the evil side of us.
Going after a better life feels nice to dream about, but actually sticking to making it true feels hard. Our biology literally reacts to the change due to the unfamiliar actions we take. When we have taught our brain to keep us small, to procrastinate, or to demand things to happen overnight, to go off drama rants and to be frantic then anything different than that is truly an alarm in our head and body that tries to bring us back to our senses to keep us safe.
The moment we let our thoughts and feelings be our only guide is the moment we go back to old, familiar behavior. The moment we are aware, however, is our opportunity to be deliberate and in charge of our response and possibly of the outcome of the situation. It is the time to be our biggest supporter and disprove that reacting — instead of mindfully responding — is the only solution that we have known so far.
Holding the space for ourselves is of true value when it comes to being aware when the thoughts take control. It is the time to hold back with the criticism of us being wrong, of others being wrong. Being vulnerable and feeling at peace with it is key. It is in these moments when we actually take control and we allow ourselves to see other options, to try things that previously have scared us, to let ourselves take a leap into new realities.
The change feels like a stretch. We stretch our limits and our capabilities. It is a stretch because it is not familiar even if the new action/behavior looks so logical and natural. Being aware of this makes it easier as we have prepared ourselves for it and we feel in control with it, as opposed to the stretch making us lose it and fall back to old conditioning. Our only effort is to let it happen and see that it won’t harm us. And then just notice that our brain might want to go back to our previous reactions and make us identify with the uneasiness.
In time it gets to be easy. As with everything it takes practice. Can a person actually change? 101%. In fact when we see the results, when we see us feeling a different person, being in charge of things that we used to struggle with, then we ask for more and more change. When we get a hang of the stretch it becomes a habit. The more we are aware that it is just our brain that wants to keep us safe, based on what we have been feeding it to define safety, the more we disassociate with the discomfort of the stretch. The more we feel in charge the more deliberate we are. And that’s when we let life be joyful and purposeful.
